In 1958 and 1959 Gene Deitchdrew a cartoon series called Tom Terrific. For 26 episodes Tom, along with his companion, Mighty Manfred, the Wonder Dog, would be featured on the Captain Kangaroo television sho where each of the the 26 stories was presented in daily 5-minute excerpts, most of which ended in some sort of a cliff-hanger. I think i was probably going to watch Captain Kangaroo the next day anyway – with or without an episode of Tom Terrific – but I do remember feeling tense or anxious when Crabby Appleton had Tom in some tight spot at the end of a 5-minute clip. I quickly learned that Tom – like most TV heroes – was going to overcome in the end, so I surely never lost any sleep between episodes.

Some readers may already suspect why I’m talking about Tom Terrific today. But before I get to the rest of the message today, please allow me to remind you of another much loved character from MGM’s Wizard of Oz…

“When a man’s an empty kettle

He should be on his mette

And yet I’m torn apart

Just because I’m presumin’

That I could be kind of human

If I only had a heart!”

Yes, I’m talking about the farmhand, Hickory, who appeared in Dorothy’s dream as the Tin woodsman (played by the beloved Jack Haley.)

So what do the Tin Man and Tom Terrific have in common? Yes, they both wear a funnel on their head…

 and so do you and I!

To learn more about the funnel on (or in?) your head, read on:

If you ask a person what will happenwhen you pour water into the top of a funnel, they’ll quickly tell you that water will come out the bottom of the funnel. If you ask them why, they may hesitate but will usually see or agree that it happens because of gravity, or more specifically, the LAW of gravity.

Do you believe in gravity? Let me assure you that gravity doesn’t care whether you believe in it. Do we ever doubt gravity? Do we wonder if it’s going to work tomorrow? Did you lose any sleep last night worrying about whether your car would be floating around the ceiling of the garage in the morning? Probably not. Gravity, discovered or more accurately named by Sir Isaac Newton, is such a natural part of our world that we rarely think about it. We simply accept it and expect it.

I’d now like to introduce you to another universal law. I urge you to likewise accept it and expect it, but I understand any reluctance you may have. When you take an honest and thoughtful look around you, I suspect you will realize that you have observed this law throughout your life! Once you are more consciously aware of this law you can take more fuller advantage of it.

The “Law of the Funnel” is similar to the law of gravity, but most of us have never been taught the law, and yet we are all subject to it. It is best illustrated using 5 words. In fact it is the shape of the 5 words that give the law its name. A 5-letter word, followed by a 4-letter word, and then a 3-letter, 2-letter, and 1-letter word – when listed in a column, form the shape of a funnel (or inverted triangle.)

x     x     x     x     x

x     x     x     x

x     x     x

x     x

x

Let’s fill in those 5 words and see our funnel.

The things I THINK

determine how I FEEL

which shapes how I ACT

what I will or won’t DO

and ultimately decide who I am.

T    H    I    N    K

F    E    E    L

A    C    T

D    O

I

And, like a funnel, whatever we put in the top will come out the bottom!

The thoughts we put into our mind and allow into our mind will eventually and inevitably determine who we become.

Here’s an example of the law in action:

When a person thinks of themself as a victim of certain circumstances, the thoughts cause them to involuntarily feel a certain way. They do not choose to feel these negative feelings. They simply come naturally (as rain naturally falls downward.) As they feel the negative feelings, the way they act  and the things they do will also be directed by the negative feelings. If they continue in this negative thought process they will in fact become a different person than they could otherwise have been. Futures have surely been altered by the thoughts in a person’s mind. But imagine instead the same circumstances occurred but the person though of themself as a survivor of those circumstances. A simple shift of thought – from victim to survivor – changes the course of that person’s life.

To be clear, the Law of the Funnel doesn’t mean that by thinking about winning the lottery we can make it so. We have no authority over the lottery, but we do have authority over our thoughts. After all, it’s our funnel! So let’s ask some important questions:

What’s in it?

Who put it there?

Is it true?

Is it helpful?

Is it moving us toward our goals?

Now I understand that the spirit of mindfulness would have us be aware of our thughts without judging them. But I also understand that holding certain thoughts (until we perfect acceptance) can have a distinctly negative effect upon our well-being. So i will always be a fan of mindful practices. They can truy restore and strengthen our neural pathways. BUT (you could tell there was a but coming, couldn’t you?) sometimes just allowing thoughts to persist in the mind can be harmful. For instance, giving head-space to thoughts of some past events which detract from our sense of self-worth can lead to actions based upon our degraded sense of self. Not cool- not OK! Allowing those thoughts to “just be” can be very hard. Until we learn to perfectly accept them without being influenced by them (a noble goal of mindfulness) let’s take a hard look at the thoughts that run through our minds and see if some of them need a re-write.

When rewriting a story or reframing a thought, I encourage people to be sure that they are still telling the truth, but perhaps in a way that is easier to bear. By shiftng the focus or adjusting our perspective, we can often craft a true version of a story that highlights different aspects and ultimately feels better. It is not advisable – in my opinion – to alter the facts, but to bring the story to a place of kinder understanding – to a place where we can sit with that truth and not be adversely influenced by it.

I believe the Apostle Paul may have understood the potential we each have to change ourselves. He wrote that we needn’t be as we are, we needn’t be as we were in the past, but that we could change ourselves by changing what’s in our funnel. “Be not conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.“

I believe the Law of the Funnel can help us smooth some of the rough edges off of painful thoughts so we can better sit and be at peace with them.

The Law f the Funnel has always been true and other people have observed and described it in other times and and in other words and in other lands, but I believe its truth is both timeless and inescapable.

“A man is what he thinks about all day long.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A man’s life is the sum of what his thoughts make him.” – Marcus Aurelius

Quotes attributed to Buddha:

“Our life is shpaed by our mind; we become what we think.”

“Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise the wise man, gathering little by little, fills himself with good.”

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”

So, if we can agree that the Law of the Funnel is real, them let’s try to think about what we think about (brain cramp alert!) and let’s put good stuff in our funnel and the funnels of those around us!

CLICK HERE to download a copy of a worksheet about the Law of the funnel (so you can teach it to your friends.) >>> Funnel 2019

Thanks for taking good care of you (and your funnel!)

  http://Twitter.com/QuittersWinOrg

   http://Facebook.com/QuittersWin

Yes, we shall, or at very least we should!

I know that I’m supposed to dance today. When I opened my yogurt container, inside the lid was printed “Dance in the mirror.” Now, I’m not saying that I always listen to my food or my food containers, but that advice sounded sage to me. So the next time my body told me that it was time to go to the bathroom (yes, I do try to listen to my body) I spent a couple minutes dancing in the restroom, looking in the mirror. (For those of you who may be wondering, it was a single user restroom at my workplace. I probably wouldn’t have danced in a multi-user restroom.) An hour later I still have this light, calm, positive feeling. I also have an effortless smile on my face.

I think opting to be spontaneous or even silly can be beneficial. I think in order to be open to the idea of doing something silly or spontaneous, it helps if we make a habit of trying to leave at least a little “wiggle room” in our schedule. But the dancing didn’t really cost me much time. I’m pretty sure that by the end of the day, the two minutes I squandered dancing in the bathroom will have caused such a positive ripple in my day that I’ll be more productive. Nope, I can’t prove it (nor can you disprove it.) I’ll have certainly been more happy! Being happy is healthy whether you’re alone or in a group, whether you’re at work or at home.

Do yourself a favor (and maybe the folks around you, too!) and make a point of doing something spontaneous or even outright silly! Always saying yes when my yogurt asks me to dance may add some culture to my life! It certainly added some unexpected fun.

And here is, perchance, some unexpected fun for anyone who remembers the 1956 film adaptation of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “The King & I.”

 

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’m suggesting AGAIN that you invest a little bit of time into building a couple playlists to influence your mood.

Besides helping folks adjust their moods, reduce stress, and lower anxiety, some people are even using music to manage their physical pain!

Check out this legit sounding research!

And here is some MORE legit sounding research!

While plenty of folks are coming to terms with technology and it’s potential for overuse and even “addiction,” I have recently been trying to (carefully) use technology to influence my mood and stress level. By getting my daily “dose” of news as a podcast I can stay in touch with the world without having the news on all the time while I’m driving. By downloading a few playlists onto my phone, I am trying to spend more of my driving time listening to music.

Songs also have a great capacity for attaching to memories (and memories of moods) so individual songs as well as types of music are likely to help you not freak out or give your mood a lift.

‘Best thing about using music this way? You tell me!

• No big Pharma making obscene profits off of us
• No expiration dates on that old (or should we say “classic”) ELO album
• No FDA approval is necessary for that newest Jonas Brothers tune
• Unlike medications, with music, combining is encouraged
• No pesky child-proof lids

I’m not a doctor, but I think that using music to regulate arousal, reduce anxiety, anage stress, and generally make your life better is…

 

…wait for it…

 

…Sound advice!

Any of us who are trying to build a healthy relationship with food may want to give this a careful read. Similarly, those of us trying to stop smoking or other substances, can probably remember convincing ourselves that “I deserve this reward.”

I understand that seeing a slice of chocolate cheesecake as a “reward” might be easier to understand than looking forward to inhaling a couple lungs full of soot, but “reward” is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe a cardiologist or dietitian looks at cheesecake and sees high cholesterol and plaque-clogged arteries!

After a long day, a tough task, or any sort of challenge, indulging oneself in a treat or reward seems reasonable. And perhaps more than seeming reasonable, it feels good! It’s true. Life is challenging and a well-placed reward can keep us moving. But we really owe it to ourselves to reexamine what kind of reward we deserve. As for me, I am pretty confident that I never deserve a lung full of arsenic and polonium! (YIKES!) So if we still think a cigarette is a “treat,” we need to remember that we deserve better!

Life’s journey ought to have rewards and treats and even indulgences along the way, but let’s try to be sure that the choices we make to reward ourselves are positive and health and truly serve us! A piece of fresh fruit and just a small bite of dark chocolate can make me feel like I had dessert. That’s actually a dessert I deserve (and even the dietitian would probably agree.) A quick five minute walk around the block, counting how many different kinds of birds I see or hear is a “break” that a cardiologist would be happy about.

It really is up to us, isn’t it – to decide how we choose to see things? Challenge your idea of treat, reward, and what you deserve and see if there are choices that would serve you better.

We deserve to be free!

On May 13, 1918 the United States Postal Service issued it’s very first Air Mail stamp. For 24 cents you could send a piece of mail by airplane, which was significantly faster than the “pony express.” One  batch of those famous stamps became infamous because the image of the biplane printed in blue ink inside the red frame of the stamp was upside-down! (OOPS!)

The stamp pictured a Curtis Jenny JN-4HM, a biplane modified specifically to carry mail.

This particular mistake turned out to be very valuable – at least to some philatelists. Two of them sold for $977, 500 and $825,000 in 2007. In November of 2018, a single “inverted Jenny” sold at auction for $1,573,000.

While we don’t usually feel proud of our mistakes, the fact is that some of them can be valuable because they can teach us something. So if you’re on any sort of journey that requires behavioral change – quitting smoking, exercising more, gossiping less, saving money, losing weight  – slip ups happen. It’s a normal part of those sorts of journeys. But if we learn from the slips, they can actually be beneficial steps toward our eventual triumph. Hang in there and try again. It may be helpful to share your mistake with a trusted friend or mentor, too. That can remind us that slip-ups are fairly common and are often a part of the journey. A mistake is nothing to be ashamed of, but it would be a shame to waste the lesson each slip can teach.

#SlipHappens

 

Can you take a moment with you?

We’ve all experienced a moment that was deeply pleasing, deeply calming – a moment when we felt as though “all is well in the world.” Feelings like that may only last a moment before the busyness of a day intrudes and pulls us out of that beautiful moment. but wouldn’t it be nice of we could revisit that moment again and enjoy the feelings of that moment?

If we give our moment a few “handles” we can make retrieving the moment easier. Just like searching the internet, if we carefully attach tags to our memory of a moment, we may see that it becomes easier to find that memory (and the feelings attached to it) again. Our brain’s temporal lobe even uses smells to “glue” some information in place. And giving a name to that feeling/experience can be helpful, too.

 

The next time you experience one of those moments that you want to be able to find in your mind again, try this “recipe” for a lasting memory. I’ll use the serenity I find walking in the woods as my example for my moment.

• Open eyes widely, smile and say,
  •  “This is what serenity looks like.”  
• Close eyes, smile, take a slow deep breathe, and say,
  • “This is what serenity smells like – fresh, earthy, alive.”
• With eyes closed, smiling, and ears focused, say,
  •  “This is what serenity sounds like – birds, a breeze, and a babbling brook.”
• Eyes open, smiling, say,
  • “This place makes me feel safe, peaceful, and serene.” (3 feelings is good.)
• (Optional, if applicable) Smile and hum a song that feels like it goes with the moment/place.

With all of the “glue” that’s now applied to your special moment, you may be surprised at how quickly you will be able to call up that memory and the feelings that you’ve connected to it.

#NoCopay

#NoChildproofLids

#GoodMedicine

 

The apparently accidental fire that destroyed much of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, was devastating to countless people around the globe. Out of their sense of loss, people have tried to express themselves in prayers, songs, words, and tears.

A symbol of hope and faith that has stood for over 800 years was nearly lost forever in a few hours.

Irreplaceable works of art and relics were lost. Hundreds of firefighters battled the blaze as the fire illuminated Paris’ sky.

News of the tragic fire immediately spread across the globe and countless eyes watched in sorrow as a truly magnificent monument of hope was transformed into billowing columns of smoke and piles of ashes.

BUT…

…before the ashes were cold, before all of the tears were shed, people around the world responded out an abundance of hope and with undaunted spirits. This symbol of hope (to people of many religious backgrounds) would not be lost. Along with the heroic efforts of those who fought the flames and ferried priceless works of art to safety, there were other heroes who decided before the fire was extinguished that hope would not be!

Within 24 hours of the fire being defeated, nearly one billion dollars had been pledged to the restoration as a call to architects went out to begin designing the new spire. We have seen an immediate response to recover from this momentary setback in the history of this icon.

Swift and sure was the response to the setback. May we all be emboldened by this story to respond to the setbacks we will no doubt experience in our lives. Let us choose hope now in the face of whatever trial we face.

I know that lots of folks who visit this page are on the journey to reclaim their freedom from tobacco. If that describes you, you may want to take a minute and a half and see how you do on this quick quiz.

Here’s the YouTube link:    YouTube Watch

Knowing the facts about proven methods to quit smoking will improve your chances of success. To learn more, click here.

And if you want some more support around quitting, QuittersWin offers free groups, phone coaching, and even motivational text message support. Stay in touch to stay on track!

Quitting smoking (or taking back your freedom from ANY addiction) isn’t easy, but it’s always worth it! (Because you’re worth it!) Thanks for taking good care of you.

 

My favorite painter apparently also said wise things. This pithy quote about courage calls into question the value of life without courage. Surely this sentiment has been echoed by countless people – famous and nameless. The truth is timeless – as old as humankind.

Here’s how Vincent put it:

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” -Vincent van Gogh

Letting fear rule us can be hazardous, even lethal. Perhaps you’re feeling trapped or stagnant as you think about a challenge you’re facing. Consider the brave things you’ve done in the past and give yourself credit for trying anything without a guarantee of success. Then take a breath and take that step – fight that fight – attempt that task, no matter how daunting. It is the very stuff of being human. It is the very stuff of being alive!

We deserve to be free and we will never be, until we get off of fear’s leash.

In very recent news, it seems that art experts have verified beyond a reasonable doubt that an unsigned painting acquired by Hartford’s Wadsworth Atheneum in 1957 is a “new Van Gogh!”

When experts examined the painting, they can see a human figure painted underneath the poppies. Maybe if there’s something fearful that’s holding you back, you should take a page from Vincent’s playbook and paint over it!

This weekend we’re supposed to change our clocks by an hour. “Spring forward and Fall back” is a mnemonic device that some helpful elementary school teacher probably taught you. So the title of today’s post is your public service announcement. (You’re welcome.)

I like both of those words; Spring and Forward!

Spring is a time of year when signs of hope are easier to find than at other times of the year. Spring is also a verb – a form of movement. A Minister and blogger friend of mine taught his congregants and readers that it is impossible to spring or jump without first recoiling. That overlooked truth might be an encouragement to those of us who may be on a journey toward change. Sometimes on that journey there are episodes of relapse or back-sliding. Slip happens! (Isn’t there a bumper sticker that says that?) Perhaps the next time we encounter one of those moments of ‘downward progress’ we can try to use it as a chance to recoil before we spring forward.  

Forward is a direction, generally seen as positive. Forward is also sometimes used to describe conduct that may be too bold, intrusive, or rude. I don’t advocate being rude and it is rarely my intention to offend anyone. However, I sometimes speak up in situations where others are silent. I recognize that bold ideas are often the ones that bear fruit. And when it comes to talking to strangers, I’m a fan of forward. 

I hope that if you’ve recently relapsed or back-slid, you might think of it as an opportunity to spring. I hope if your faced with a choice of playing ti safe or doing something forward (bold) that you will stretch forward.

Meanwhile… don’t forget to change your clocks this weekend!

 

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” 

                                                                            -Vincent van Gogh

The world and everything in it – every accomplishment – consists of tiny, tiny bits. Everything we can hold or touch is made of uncountable molecules – each made of atoms.

Even the “invisible” things that we smell are the result of unthinkably small particles – bits- pieces – of something, reaching a receptor or sensor in our nasal passages.

And certainly all of the marvels of human achievement – the pyramids, China’s great wall, the most brilliant of Beethoven’s symphonies are ‘built’ from tiny parts. Whether stones or notes, small parts combine to form everything.

Those tiny parts work, in concert, with one another to create great things, beautiful things, marvelous things.

If you are on a journey of change – a journey of self discovery or recovery – consider the tiniest of steps to be absolutely valid, absolutely vital, absolutely worth the effort, and absolutely worth squawking about! Celebrate those tiny steps and keep your eye on where you’re headed. You are worth the effort and and you’ll get there – one bit, one piece, one habit, one step at a time.

You deserve to be free.
#DFTYA!

 

I love this lesser known painting by Vincent van Gogh and I thought it might go well with a quote that is also attributed to him.

“The beginning is perhaps more difficult than anything else, but keep heart, it will turn out all right.”   -Vincent van Gogh

It seems like an appropriate reminder to someone working at an apple orchard or any hard worker at the beginning of a task or journey. And Vincent accurately observed that ‘just getting started’ or ‘taking that first step’ can often be the toughest part of any task.

Recognizing that, he offers us an encouragement in the final phrase of the quotation; “…but keep heart, it will turn out all right.” That reminds me of part of a letter that the apostle Paul wrote to his beloved protegee, Timothy. When Paul saw the young preacher Timothy, struggling near the beginning of his ministry, Paul sent a letter to encourage him. In chapter 6 of Paul’s “Letter to the Galatians, he encouraged Timothy and the other Galatians to “not lose heart.”

“Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season, we will reap if we don’t lose heart.”   Galatians 6:9

Doing good can be hard – especially getting started. Do it anyway and don’t lose heart! It’s going to work out (at least according to Vincent and Paul.)

As for hearts, I actually carry a “spare” in my pocket every day. Some days I carry a couple, in case I meet someone who needs one. Whenever I hear my car keys clank against one of these red glass hearts in my pocket, I can’t help by smile. They remind me that we will reap or that things will turn out all right.

If you have ever been taunted by expressions of doubt (either cast by others or whispered from within your own head) I hope that these quotes will help. And of course, looking at artwork by my favorite artist, is likely to bring on a generally pleasant feeling, too.

I suppose that if it is others who cause you doubt your abilities, you should simply pay them no mind. And while that’s easier said than done, the truth is that what other people think of you is really none of your business!

But when it is self-doubt, it may be helpful to explore what purpose that doubt serves. Could it be that by holding sufficient self-doubt that we are trying protect ourselves from failure? That may sound like a logical and even good goal – protect self from failure. But if that same doubt prevents you from even trying, can it be good?

Maybe the best response to doubt is a phrase taught to me by a lovely lady who I met at a church many years ago. Her advice is brilliantly simple.  “Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.”

Let’s agree to be careful that we aren’t letting our doubts keep us from growth or progress that we deserve and are capable of. When you hear a doubt – kick it out!

Here’s how my favorite artist put it…

If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.  – Vincent van Gogh

Here’s how my favorite American wise guy put it…

“Do the thing you fear the most, and the death of fear is certain,”  – Mark Twain

Have a beaYOUtiful day, my brave friend!

When I’m in the car – especially for a long time – at some point I’ll start thinking about junk food. My thoughts about food are not usually related to being bodily hungry, but tend to related to feelings. Negative feelings (anxiety, anger, etc.) can certainly provoke me to want to do something to soothe them. (We’ve all heard the phrase ‘comfort food,’ right?) But the most frequent food-mood for me is boredom. Maybe driving by the ‘golden arches’ puts the idea in my head, but I think that even without visual cues, my mind wanders in the direction of food often. The reason I’m sharing my personal experience is because I suspect it is similar to other people’s experience, either with eating, or smoking, or some other behavior.

Over the weekend I started using a music service and installed an app on my smartphone. (There are plenty of them and I’m not advertising for any of them.) When I get into the car, my smartphone connects to my car’s audio system and music becomes an automotive automatic! A couple settings on my phone and this new, healthy habit is now much more likely to happen.

When I choose to listen to albums that I own, I can listen to them in the order they appear on the album or in random order. Choosing random order or shuffle seems to be more effective, probably because some part of my brain starts feeling curious about what’s coming next. The busier my brain is listening to music, trying to recall lyrics, or trying to remember the video that goes with the song, the less likely my brain is to start feeling like self-soothing or self-stimulating. (Eating and smoking can do both, right?) Come to think of it, random or shuffle might be better for self-stimulation (beating boredom) and album order’s predictability may be more soothing.

I find myself marveling over and over again about how music has the power to shift my mood. I hope that you’ll take a look at how more music might be beneficial to you. And if you can find ways to habituate the use of music (sync car’s Bluetooth to your phone, keeping your earbuds in the same place as your car keys or water bottle or some other ‘always-have’ item) you’re on your way. As always, thank you for taking good care of you.

#MusicIsMedicine
#MoodMusic

QuittersWin Core Beliefs and Group Guidelines

Everyone in the community has something to learn from everyone on the community and everyone in the community has something to teach to everyone in the community.

 

No one in the community is as strong, wise, brave, or capable as everyone in the community.

 

Out of respect for all speakers and all listeners we limit talking to one member at a time.

 

Because we understand that our human condition can lead us to hold untruths and cause our perceptions to be skewed, we make every effort to keep our minds open and honestly consider other explanations for things we think we “know.”

 

Out of this diversity of understanding, we hope to discern ultimate truth for the good of all, without need to hold unhelpful or unhealthy beliefs out of some motive of ego.

 

As each of us attains our noble goals, all of us grow stronger, wiser, and more capable.

 

In spite of our individual imperfections, diverse experiences, and individual failures, as a community we hold confidently to the certainty that freedom from addiction is possible and is, in fact, close at hand!