There is a dynamic tension present in strong structures, successful relationships, and in effective communities. And while seeming obvious at first glance, exploring and valuing the connectedness between pieces of a machine, partners in a relationship, and members of a community.
The “glue” or “mortar” that binds must have a more or less equal bond on each piece. In QuittersWin meetings we often talk about the acceptance (nearly unconditional) that we ideally extend to one another, whether a member is successful or struggling. Our acceptance is not dependent upon performance. Along with that acceptance of one another, we expect a compassionate sort of accountability wherein each member expects each member to be honest about their efforts. Implicit in that agreement is that we care enough about that we have permission (perhaps an obligation) to ask one another questions about our recovery journey.
The dynamic tension lies between caring about one another and helping to move each other forward – even when doing so might necessitate some potentially uncomfortable questions. When it works ideally it sounds like this -“I care enough about you that I want you to succeed – even if that means asking some tough questions.” If people first clearly sense a genuine concern, they are more likely to submit to those “tough questions.” Members in such relationships must tolerate the tension of BEING support for others and RECIEVING support from others. Maintaining that tension is not always easy, but its power is unrivaled and its outcomes are literally life-changing.
Stay in touch – stay on track.