There’s a phrase I hear often and even when people are talking about serious matters, I’m tempted to smirk or laugh. Maybe you use or hear this phrase – “emotional baggage.”
OK, “I’m pretty sure you meant to say “griefcase!” is a kinda funny response (I’m a sucker for a cheap laugh.) But the things that people are talking about can be very serious and bafflingly mysterious! Sometimes the baggage really needs to be unpacked (or unloaded) in order for us to understand our own behaviors and feelings.
Our feelings are connected to our thoughts and behaviors in powerful and inextricable ways. The connect between thoughts, feelings, and behavior is the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. To read a really simple and memorable lesson about these connections, check out The Law of the Funnel!
PLEASE gift yourself 10 minutes to listen to Dr. Gabor Mate‘ – a bona fide wizard of human emotion – in the video below!
A Tale of Two Triggers
As a person with a history of substance use, I often think of a trigger as something that reminds me of using behavior – something that preceded or co-occurred with my using. For a smoker, filling a coffee cup is a common trigger. But in this video, Gabor talks about a different sort of trigger. In this powerful video he starts to help us see how we need to “unpack” the experiences, memories, and associated feelings within ourselves in order to be more free from being triggered by the words and actions of others. Whenever we allow the words and deeds of others to trigger us into our own feelings or actions, we remain vulnerable.
I know I said that you’d need 10 minutes to watch this video, but I want to be completely honest with you. To fully appreciate his wisdom, you may need to pause the video at a few spots and relisten to some of his wisdom bombs. Give yourself time to let it soak in to that part of you that doesn’t show up on the x-ray. And then you’re going to think about some folks that you love who also need to view the video.
I watched this video (for my 3rd time) with a generally boisterous group of men recently. You could hear a pin drop for the entire ten minutes. The conversations afterwards were some of the most candid, vulnerable, challenging, and beneficial I’ve ever heard. Good stuff!
To be clear – I claim no rights or ownership of this video or the material contained therein. It’s simply too good to not share. I hope it’s a helpful to you as it has been for me and some special folks I really care about.
What was your favorite pearl?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
Love & light always.
